Many foster care youth and alumni strive to help their friends and family members -- and, in doing so, risk themselves and their futures.
This presentation explores how to keep that balance of helping others without personal harm.
This slide show was designed to present the body of research related to reconciliation\'s effects and guide teachers in useful methods of character development with their students.
How emotional abuse is wrecking your mental healthRivka Levy
Discover what emotional abuse actually is, how widespread it is, who's doing it, and what mental health issues it can cause you when you're on the receiving end of it, in this infographic on emotional abuse.
This slide show was designed to present the body of research related to reconciliation\'s effects and guide teachers in useful methods of character development with their students.
How emotional abuse is wrecking your mental healthRivka Levy
Discover what emotional abuse actually is, how widespread it is, who's doing it, and what mental health issues it can cause you when you're on the receiving end of it, in this infographic on emotional abuse.
Talking to Your Family about Hereditary CancerMelissa Sakow
Karen Hurley, Ph.D., shares strategies for managing the sources of conflict that surround genetic testing within families. Includes whether or not to pursue testing, reaching out to at-risk relatives and the stress that can arise from hereditary disease. Karen Hurley, Ph.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in hereditary cancer risk.
Presented in collaboration with FORCE.
Bereavement ( Due to the death of someone close to us )
Is the most severe stressor imaginable
It is a time of overwhelming emotions.
Can be profoundly painful and distressing.
Brings a high risk of mental and physical health problems for a long time
Normal reaction in every culture across the world.
If ooccasionally aware in advance about someone's certain end of his/ her life then the experience of grieving partly begins before their death occurs.
Despite these feelings it may be possible to plan ahead for this difficult time which
Can help reduce the complications in the
First hours and days of bereavement, and
Later as you struggle to carry on.
Can be comforting because you are able just to cope with the circumstances without the added pressure to “get yourself together” and sort things out
Grief and Loss in Addiction and Recovery - September 2012Dawn Farm
“Grief and Loss in Addiction and Recovery” was presented on September 25, 2012; by Janice Firn, LMSW, Clinical Social Worker, University of Michigan Hospital; Matthew Statman, LLMSW, CADC, Dawn Farm therapist and Education Series Coordinator; and Barb Smith, author of “Brent’s World” (http://compassionhearts.com.) The culture of addiction is rife with experiences of grief and loss for the person with addiction and for family and friends. The nature of these experiences combined with the stigma, shame and general lack of understanding of addiction can make grief and loss associated with addiction exceptionally lonely and difficult to heal from. This program will describe Worden's and Kubler-Ross' theories of grief and grief recovery, losses that the chemically dependent individual and his/her family experience throughout the addiction and recovery processes, and how recovery program tools can help individuals cope with grief and loss. It will include a personal account of addiction-related grief, loss and recovery from a mother who lost her son to addiction-related causes. This program is part of the Dawn Farm Education Series, a FREE, annual workshop series developed to provide accurate, helpful, hopeful, practical, current information about chemical dependency, recovery, family and related issues. The Education Series is organized by Dawn Farm, a non-profit community of programs providing a continuum of chemical dependency services. For information, please see http://www.dawnfarm.org/programs/education-series.
On April 22, 1970, 20 million people across America celebrated the first Earth Day. Since that time, there have been laws enacted that have improved our world, but even more important are the individual efforts each of us should take, must take, to keep it not just fit for our own habitation, but for those who will follow.
We only get one Earth.
We can no longer be so careless with it.
Talking to Your Family about Hereditary CancerMelissa Sakow
Karen Hurley, Ph.D., shares strategies for managing the sources of conflict that surround genetic testing within families. Includes whether or not to pursue testing, reaching out to at-risk relatives and the stress that can arise from hereditary disease. Karen Hurley, Ph.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in hereditary cancer risk.
Presented in collaboration with FORCE.
Bereavement ( Due to the death of someone close to us )
Is the most severe stressor imaginable
It is a time of overwhelming emotions.
Can be profoundly painful and distressing.
Brings a high risk of mental and physical health problems for a long time
Normal reaction in every culture across the world.
If ooccasionally aware in advance about someone's certain end of his/ her life then the experience of grieving partly begins before their death occurs.
Despite these feelings it may be possible to plan ahead for this difficult time which
Can help reduce the complications in the
First hours and days of bereavement, and
Later as you struggle to carry on.
Can be comforting because you are able just to cope with the circumstances without the added pressure to “get yourself together” and sort things out
Grief and Loss in Addiction and Recovery - September 2012Dawn Farm
“Grief and Loss in Addiction and Recovery” was presented on September 25, 2012; by Janice Firn, LMSW, Clinical Social Worker, University of Michigan Hospital; Matthew Statman, LLMSW, CADC, Dawn Farm therapist and Education Series Coordinator; and Barb Smith, author of “Brent’s World” (http://compassionhearts.com.) The culture of addiction is rife with experiences of grief and loss for the person with addiction and for family and friends. The nature of these experiences combined with the stigma, shame and general lack of understanding of addiction can make grief and loss associated with addiction exceptionally lonely and difficult to heal from. This program will describe Worden's and Kubler-Ross' theories of grief and grief recovery, losses that the chemically dependent individual and his/her family experience throughout the addiction and recovery processes, and how recovery program tools can help individuals cope with grief and loss. It will include a personal account of addiction-related grief, loss and recovery from a mother who lost her son to addiction-related causes. This program is part of the Dawn Farm Education Series, a FREE, annual workshop series developed to provide accurate, helpful, hopeful, practical, current information about chemical dependency, recovery, family and related issues. The Education Series is organized by Dawn Farm, a non-profit community of programs providing a continuum of chemical dependency services. For information, please see http://www.dawnfarm.org/programs/education-series.
On April 22, 1970, 20 million people across America celebrated the first Earth Day. Since that time, there have been laws enacted that have improved our world, but even more important are the individual efforts each of us should take, must take, to keep it not just fit for our own habitation, but for those who will follow.
We only get one Earth.
We can no longer be so careless with it.
Murder in the Classroom - Have we killed Creativity?jtrevaskis
Presented at the CEN/CSA State Conference in WA. Murder in the Classroom explores whether we've killed creativity or whether we are allowing students to reflect the image of God through their creativity and creative processes in the classroom.
Slides presented May 11, 2011 at the live webinar titled Elder Abuse, Neglect and Exploitation and presented by Dr. Paula Kupstas and Lisa Furr (discussion moderated by Dr. Ayn Welleford) - view the full recording at www.alzpossible.org
What Is Elder Abuse and How to Prevent It?Lanzone Morgan
This Slide is presenting about what is elder abuse and how to prevent elder abuse. Look at this presentation and visit website for more info on elder abuse and how to stop it.
Holographic Projection Technology COMPLETE DETAILS NEW PPT Abin Baby
This seminar examines the new technology of Holographic Projections. It
highlights the importance and need of this technology and how it represents the new
wave in the future of technology and communications, the different application of the
technology, the fields of life it will dramatically affect including business, education,
telecommunication and healthcare. The paper also discusses the future of holographic
technology and how it will prevail in the coming years highlighting how it will also
affect and reshape many other fields of life, technologies and businesses.
Holography is a diffraction-based coherent imaging technique in which a
complex three-dimensional object can be reproduced from a flat, two-dimensional
screen with a complex transparency representing amp litude and phase values. It is
commonly agreed that real-time holography is the ne plus ultra art and science of
visualizing fast temporally changing 3-D scenes. The integration of the real-time or
electro-holographic principle into display technology is o ne of the most promising but
also challenging developments for the future consumer display and TV market. Only
holography allows the reconstruction of natural-looking 3-D scenes, and therefore
provides observers with a completely comfortable viewing experience. But to date
several challenges have prevented the technology from becoming commercialized. But
those obstacles are now starting to be overcome. Recently, we have developed a novel
approach to real-time display holography by combining an overlapping sub-hologram
technique with a tracked viewing-window technology.
This is a powerpoint presentation prepared by me... explaining about IMC plans of Coca cola Inc. This is very useful for presentations in colleges, MBA institutes etc. Send your suggestions and likes on my email id- a380onkar@yahoo.co.in
A great look on designing startups from a designers' perspective based on the new book "Designing A Better Business" by Patrick van der Pluijm & Maarten van Lieshout.
TRULY, MADLY, DEEPLY UNDERSTANDING YOUR FOSTER AND/OR ADOPTED CHILDJeanette Yoffe
Developed by Jeanette Yoffe, M.F.T. for Parents and Professionals as well as Adoptees and Foster Youth to educate about the emotional, psychological lifelong special needs for this population.
Sound familiar? Could be your angry son or daughter. Could be a teen, an adult, an addicted loved one. Whoever is spewing, it leaves you feeling like you drank poison and then took a stomach punch from Mike Tyson.
In my last article, “Watch who you share your pain with,” I described several kinds of people who only make your pain worse by saying the wrong things. I call them, collectively, Dementors, familiar to Harry Potter fans as creatures who suck all hope out of you. They may magnify your tiny symptom into sure death, or seemingly provide incontrovertible evidence that your dreams can never succeed.
Francesca Gottschalk - How can education support child empowerment.pptxEduSkills OECD
Francesca Gottschalk from the OECD’s Centre for Educational Research and Innovation presents at the Ask an Expert Webinar: How can education support child empowerment?
Model Attribute Check Company Auto PropertyCeline George
In Odoo, the multi-company feature allows you to manage multiple companies within a single Odoo database instance. Each company can have its own configurations while still sharing common resources such as products, customers, and suppliers.
Introduction to AI for Nonprofits with Tapp NetworkTechSoup
Dive into the world of AI! Experts Jon Hill and Tareq Monaur will guide you through AI's role in enhancing nonprofit websites and basic marketing strategies, making it easy to understand and apply.
June 3, 2024 Anti-Semitism Letter Sent to MIT President Kornbluth and MIT Cor...Levi Shapiro
Letter from the Congress of the United States regarding Anti-Semitism sent June 3rd to MIT President Sally Kornbluth, MIT Corp Chair, Mark Gorenberg
Dear Dr. Kornbluth and Mr. Gorenberg,
The US House of Representatives is deeply concerned by ongoing and pervasive acts of antisemitic
harassment and intimidation at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT). Failing to act decisively to ensure a safe learning environment for all students would be a grave dereliction of your responsibilities as President of MIT and Chair of the MIT Corporation.
This Congress will not stand idly by and allow an environment hostile to Jewish students to persist. The House believes that your institution is in violation of Title VI of the Civil Rights Act, and the inability or
unwillingness to rectify this violation through action requires accountability.
Postsecondary education is a unique opportunity for students to learn and have their ideas and beliefs challenged. However, universities receiving hundreds of millions of federal funds annually have denied
students that opportunity and have been hijacked to become venues for the promotion of terrorism, antisemitic harassment and intimidation, unlawful encampments, and in some cases, assaults and riots.
The House of Representatives will not countenance the use of federal funds to indoctrinate students into hateful, antisemitic, anti-American supporters of terrorism. Investigations into campus antisemitism by the Committee on Education and the Workforce and the Committee on Ways and Means have been expanded into a Congress-wide probe across all relevant jurisdictions to address this national crisis. The undersigned Committees will conduct oversight into the use of federal funds at MIT and its learning environment under authorities granted to each Committee.
• The Committee on Education and the Workforce has been investigating your institution since December 7, 2023. The Committee has broad jurisdiction over postsecondary education, including its compliance with Title VI of the Civil Rights Act, campus safety concerns over disruptions to the learning environment, and the awarding of federal student aid under the Higher Education Act.
• The Committee on Oversight and Accountability is investigating the sources of funding and other support flowing to groups espousing pro-Hamas propaganda and engaged in antisemitic harassment and intimidation of students. The Committee on Oversight and Accountability is the principal oversight committee of the US House of Representatives and has broad authority to investigate “any matter” at “any time” under House Rule X.
• The Committee on Ways and Means has been investigating several universities since November 15, 2023, when the Committee held a hearing entitled From Ivory Towers to Dark Corners: Investigating the Nexus Between Antisemitism, Tax-Exempt Universities, and Terror Financing. The Committee followed the hearing with letters to those institutions on January 10, 202
Biological screening of herbal drugs: Introduction and Need for
Phyto-Pharmacological Screening, New Strategies for evaluating
Natural Products, In vitro evaluation techniques for Antioxidants, Antimicrobial and Anticancer drugs. In vivo evaluation techniques
for Anti-inflammatory, Antiulcer, Anticancer, Wound healing, Antidiabetic, Hepatoprotective, Cardio protective, Diuretics and
Antifertility, Toxicity studies as per OECD guidelines
Safalta Digital marketing institute in Noida, provide complete applications that encompass a huge range of virtual advertising and marketing additives, which includes search engine optimization, virtual communication advertising, pay-per-click on marketing, content material advertising, internet analytics, and greater. These university courses are designed for students who possess a comprehensive understanding of virtual marketing strategies and attributes.Safalta Digital Marketing Institute in Noida is a first choice for young individuals or students who are looking to start their careers in the field of digital advertising. The institute gives specialized courses designed and certification.
for beginners, providing thorough training in areas such as SEO, digital communication marketing, and PPC training in Noida. After finishing the program, students receive the certifications recognised by top different universitie, setting a strong foundation for a successful career in digital marketing.
Synthetic Fiber Construction in lab .pptxPavel ( NSTU)
Synthetic fiber production is a fascinating and complex field that blends chemistry, engineering, and environmental science. By understanding these aspects, students can gain a comprehensive view of synthetic fiber production, its impact on society and the environment, and the potential for future innovations. Synthetic fibers play a crucial role in modern society, impacting various aspects of daily life, industry, and the environment. ynthetic fibers are integral to modern life, offering a range of benefits from cost-effectiveness and versatility to innovative applications and performance characteristics. While they pose environmental challenges, ongoing research and development aim to create more sustainable and eco-friendly alternatives. Understanding the importance of synthetic fibers helps in appreciating their role in the economy, industry, and daily life, while also emphasizing the need for sustainable practices and innovation.
Unit 8 - Information and Communication Technology (Paper I).pdfThiyagu K
This slides describes the basic concepts of ICT, basics of Email, Emerging Technology and Digital Initiatives in Education. This presentations aligns with the UGC Paper I syllabus.
Normal Labour/ Stages of Labour/ Mechanism of LabourWasim Ak
Normal labor is also termed spontaneous labor, defined as the natural physiological process through which the fetus, placenta, and membranes are expelled from the uterus through the birth canal at term (37 to 42 weeks
Message to Survivors of Foster Care: "Please put the air mask on yourself first. It might feel selfish at the time - but it is NOT selfish! You have the passion, power and perseverance to see this through.... but first, you need to SURVIVE. "It is okay to do that right now. It is okay to heal personally. It is okay to surround yourself with people who believe in you and support you. Do you know why? Because if only you can make it through this hurdle and build into your own personal financial, emotional and educational resources, you will have SO MUCH MORE to offer others when you are on your feet. "
With the resources I have at this moment, how capable am I of helping others, vs. if I give myself time to acquire more resources and support? What personal resources am I risking by trying to help this person? (i.e. ETV funds to help drug-addicted mother) at the point when helping a family member puts your safety or your physical/emotional health at risk, it's time to make some tough choices in terms of re-establishing boundaries.
at the point when helping a family member puts your safety or your physical/emotional health at risk, it's time to make some tough choices in terms of re-establishing boundaries.
Why? Because chaos is familiar
Vipers are people who do not yet realize or want to admit that their choices are the root of their pain. Until they come to that realization and are ready to change the choices they make, it is easier for them to lash out at safe and easy targets like us. Their lashing out does not mean we did not do everything we could do or say to help, it just means they are not ready to fix the problem."
TD Jakes: “This cup is wounded.” Pitcher of water. Paper cup with a hole in it. Basin underneath. Volunteer from audience to help fill it up. My identity was wrapped around my wounds
Don't tell me that it never happened - because it did Share I can’t tell you how many foster care alumni have come to me and told me about this type of experience: After being reunited with a parent, a young person might try to tell mom or dad what happened during their time in foster care. Or a young person might say, “Remember that guy you were dating before I left home? Did I ever tell you that he touched me when you weren’t around?” More often than not, the biological parent will respond, “I don’t want to hear about it.” Why? Because hearing what happened to their child when that parent was unable or unwilling to care for them sounds like an indictment. They don’t want to look at it. They don’t want to face up to their responsibility in abdicating care for their child. This is an example of COGNITIVE DISSONANCE. Cognitive dissonance is a psychological term describing the uncomfortable tension that may result from: - Having two conflicting thoughts at the same time - Engaging in behavior that conflicts with one’s beliefs and self-concept - Experiencing something that conflicts with everything the person previously “knew” about the world Cognitive dissonance can be defined as “an internal contradiction.” We all want to believe that we are good people. So if we do something harmful to another person, we feel that prick of our conscience. Since we cannot live in a state of “cognitive dissonance” for an extended period of time, we have to somehow make it right in our heads. Our choice is: - To tell ourselves that what we did wasn’t wrong (denial) - To tell ourselves that they deserved it (excuses) - To confess and admit responsibility (best option) My father is the perfect example. I rarely saw him during my time in foster care - but when I did, I was always mystified by the fact that he could never look me in the eyes. He always looked away. Later, when I came to my father as an adult, to try to tell him some of the things that happened, including the fact that I was raped while staying in a group home, he didn’t want to hear about it. He even went so far as to say, “Lisa, we have no way of knowing whether or not those things ever happened to you.” I had to raise my eyebrows at that comment. Being the person who experienced those things and survived them, I found it mind-boggling that another person might think that by his denial, he could edit my entire life history, and make those painful experiences no longer exist. I made up my mind at that moment that I wanted to be a person who could face reality, in all its beauty and all its ugliness, and take full responsibility for my actions. As a stepmother, if I feel that my reaction to something was wrong (like maybe I overreact to something), I will go to my husband and stepdaughters and apologize. I will not make excuses for myself — I will just call it what it is: “I have a big mouth sometimes,” and strive to do better.
Don't tell me that it never happened - because it did Sadly, cognitive dissonance can occur in the minds of abuse victims as well. When a parent is the perpetrator, rather than the protector, that clashes with everything that a child instinctively knows. So, might a child be tempted to do? - Tell themselves that what the parent is doing isn’t wrong (denial) - Tell themselves that they deserved it (make excuses for the parent) - Tell themselves that a parent should be protector, and that the fact that theirs is not, is due that parent’s choice and not a reflection of the child’s worth (best option, but it often takes years for an abused child to recognize this) The first two reactions can lead to both current and future emotional damage: A child experiencing sexual abuse might try to make sense of the experience by equating the act with love. Later, that same child might grow into an adult who expects abuse from his or her partner. Now that I advocate for young people in and from foster care, it is so easy for me to see that their parents’ action are not a reflection of their worth. But, back when I was still in college, it was hardest of all to see that value in myself. I still remember the moment when I realized that my father’s rejection did not make me unworthy of love. I was reading the quote, “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child and I reasoned like a child. When I became an adult, I left childish ways behind me.” It occurred to me in that moment that if I were ever to grow up, I needed to assert my own worth and not judge myself as unloveable based upon my father’s reaction. Good Will Hunting Similarly, one scene from the movie “Good Will Hunting“ has resonated with many foster care/child abuse survivors. Robin Williams (playing Sean, a psychiatrist) is counseling Matt Damon (playing Will Hunting) an abused child.
Hands-on Activity
forgiveness is not the same thing as reconciliation Share Saturday, August 11, 2007 at 7:14pm | Edit Note | Delete I started writing this as a response to a note on my friend's page -- and then discovered that I felt so passionate about it that I wanted to share it with everyone: People often think that forgiveness and reconciliation are the same thing. But they aren't. To forgive is: To renounce anger and resentment against another person for an offense perpetrated by that other person. To reconcile is: To reestablish a close relationship between those two people. 1.) FORGIVENESS takes one person: Forgiveness is not an easy thing to do. It's not a feeling, it is a choice you make to free yourself from anger and bitterness. Forgiveness is a wise choice, and I am happy to have made it in my life. 2.) RECONCILIATION takes two people: You can only make choices for yourself. If you have done everything in your power to restore the broken ties and they have chosen not to have the privilege to be in your life - that is their loss. If the other person is abusive or in deep denial, saying things like "You are not my daughter" or "None of those things ever happened to you" then reconciliation might not take place. Their actions and their choices might be showing you that they are a destructive influence on your life. And you have every right to protect yourself from people like that.Part of being an adult is deciding whom you will let into your world. MY EXPERIENCE: When I approached my father to forgive him and try to make peace after I aged out of foster care, he rejected me. I can still remember his exact words: "Lisa, I'd like to say that I love you - but I don't. Whatever love that I ever had for you has disappeared over the past 10 years and I don't think it's ever coming back." He continued: "I'd like to say that I love you as a person, but I don't know you very well. So, basically, I don't love you at all." That conversation took place when I was 19 years old. WHAT I LEARNED WAS: - Forgiveness is not the same thing as reconciliation. - Forgiveness takes one person and reconciliation takes two. - I can only make decisions for myself. I had to decide, on my own, that I was love-worthy and deserved better than his rejection. And if I had never come to that personal realization of my own worth, I wouldn't be where I am today: - Married - Happy - Stepmom of the two best daughters ever - Advocating for people in and from foster care LONGING: You want your dad (or mom) to be there. That is a natural longing. The other person just might never be capable of living up to your expectations. It's not that your expectations are wrong -- it's that the other person is broken. Maybe you will find a father-figure in someone else or... maybe you won't. In my life, some men who offered to serve as substitute "father-figures" ended up being rather perverse - sorry, but it's true. They probably started out with good intentions, and then digressed. You might not find the love you wanted in the first place from the person you wanted it from -- but you can and will find love. THE BOTTOM LINE IS: Other people's decisions are not a reflection of you. If someone doesn't love you, or doesn't know how to love you, that doesn't mean that you are an unloveable person. All people have their personal limitations. I, personally, am not good at Algebra. And some parents seem incapable of love. But you are a loveable person. Period. That's the truth that was freeing for me, and I hope it rings true for you also.
forgiveness is not the same thing as reconciliation Share Saturday, August 11, 2007 at 7:14pm | Edit Note | Delete I started writing this as a response to a note on my friend's page -- and then discovered that I felt so passionate about it that I wanted to share it with everyone: People often think that forgiveness and reconciliation are the same thing. But they aren't. To forgive is: To renounce anger and resentment against another person for an offense perpetrated by that other person. To reconcile is: To reestablish a close relationship between those two people. 1.) FORGIVENESS takes one person: Forgiveness is not an easy thing to do. It's not a feeling, it is a choice you make to free yourself from anger and bitterness. Forgiveness is a wise choice, and I am happy to have made it in my life. 2.) RECONCILIATION takes two people: You can only make choices for yourself. If you have done everything in your power to restore the broken ties and they have chosen not to have the privilege to be in your life - that is their loss. If the other person is abusive or in deep denial, saying things like "You are not my daughter" or "None of those things ever happened to you" then reconciliation might not take place. Their actions and their choices might be showing you that they are a destructive influence on your life. And you have every right to protect yourself from people like that.Part of being an adult is deciding whom you will let into your world. MY EXPERIENCE: When I approached my father to forgive him and try to make peace after I aged out of foster care, he rejected me. I can still remember his exact words: "Lisa, I'd like to say that I love you - but I don't. Whatever love that I ever had for you has disappeared over the past 10 years and I don't think it's ever coming back." He continued: "I'd like to say that I love you as a person, but I don't know you very well. So, basically, I don't love you at all." That conversation took place when I was 19 years old. WHAT I LEARNED WAS: - Forgiveness is not the same thing as reconciliation. - Forgiveness takes one person and reconciliation takes two. - I can only make decisions for myself. I had to decide, on my own, that I was love-worthy and deserved better than his rejection. And if I had never come to that personal realization of my own worth, I wouldn't be where I am today: - Married - Happy - Stepmom of the two best daughters ever - Advocating for people in and from foster care LONGING: You want your dad (or mom) to be there. That is a natural longing. The other person just might never be capable of living up to your expectations. It's not that your expectations are wrong -- it's that the other person is broken. Maybe you will find a father-figure in someone else or... maybe you won't. In my life, some men who offered to serve as substitute "father-figures" ended up being rather perverse - sorry, but it's true. They probably started out with good intentions, and then digressed. You might not find the love you wanted in the first place from the person you wanted it from -- but you can and will find love. THE BOTTOM LINE IS: Other people's decisions are not a reflection of you. If someone doesn't love you, or doesn't know how to love you, that doesn't mean that you are an unloveable person. All people have their personal limitations. I, personally, am not good at Algebra. And some parents seem incapable of love. But you are a loveable person. Period. That's the truth that was freeing for me, and I hope it rings true for you also.
Role Play Activities
I'm trying to formulate: - Where are my boundaries when it comes to working with other foster care alumni? Particularly when they are in a state of immediate crisis. - What is my role as a leader within my state chapter of Foster Care Alumni of America? - How can I better handle situations like the ones I faced this week in the future? Here are my ideas so far, in terms of communicating my expectations and boundaries to other people... 1. If you need something from me, ask. Say: "Lisa, I need this: _________" Tell me what you need, straight-out and give me a chance to say yes or no. Please don't try to manipulate me. Don't hint at what you need, and wait for me to figure it out. That disrespects me and it disrespects you. Because you are underestimating both of us. What the hints mean are that: - You don't think you are worthy of having your needs met - You don't think that I care about you And until you ask straight out and wait for my response, you won't have the chance to find out that neither one of your fears are actually true. 2. When you ask, please tell me the whole truth. Think of it like a doctor. If you lie to a doctor about your symptoms, that doctor will not be able to diagnose you correctly. I am not a doctor. I cannot be your counselor. But I can and will move heaven and earth to get you connected with the right resources - something I CAN'T do if you are lying to me. Please don't lie to me about what is really happening. Don't shade the truth about what is going on. I am guessing you are doing that because you think that I will judge you - and yes, again, you fear that I will reject you. 3. If you need something, please don't wait until it is catastrophe level. Again, I know WHY you are probably doing this. So many of us grew up in chaos, that we just get used to living in crisis level. Once we age out of foster care, crisis still seems very familiar. So,during the steps before a crisis, when things are just starting to go wrong, we might not think to ask for help then. No, we think we can handle it. We can handle problem A and B and C... Which means that by the time we ask for help, we are handing the other person an enormous, HUGE amount of problems that have snowballed. And the message to the other person (or in this case: to me) is "Fix this now. Fix this fast." Trying to help would have been a lot easier if I'd been asked earlier. 4. When you ask, think about WHEN you are asking. I can honestly say that: I am no longer addicted to crisis. In my life, I have worked very hard to achieve stability and safety, not just for myself, but for my marriage and my family. Do you really need to call me after midnight? Could you call during the daytime? When you text me at 3 in the morning, are you really expecting that I am staying up all night? 5. I am your friend, but I am not your Savior And again, this line has been blurred for me before. When I first aged out of care, there was this guy, Jon. And he was the first person who really seemed to care about and take care of me. We were friends, we dated, we broke up, etc. But at the time, I had somehow endowed Jon as being my Savior. The big brother I never had. The dad who didn't care for me. He was somehow supposed to fill that entire hole in my heart and make up for everything that I lacked. And that is WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY to much to ask from another person. But even after we parted ways, I still kept that guy on a pedestal for years. No one else could measure up. Finally, I realized that I never even really knew Jon. The real Jon was just a human, fallible, feet-of-clay guy with his own dreams, desires, faults and failings. But the Jon I knew somehow existed in my mind to help me. When I figured that out, I regretted the unfair demands that I had subconsciously placed on him. None of us exists to SAVE everyone else. We are not building a community of Rescuers. Hopefully, we can build a community that supports one another, and encourages our members to each take individual responsibility to grow and heal and become more empowered. And as for me as a leader, as a result of this painful learning experience week, I am seeking to partner with local mental health professionals, so that I can make timely referrals when faced with situations that are over my head in the future.
What’s your first emotional reaction when you see this statement? Do you want to reject it? I do But do you think it’s true? We are, in a sense, rescuing them from GROWING.
If you don’t maintain healthy boundaries, you might find yourself carrying the heavy weight of MANY other people’s problems COMPASSION FATIGUE has been described as “the cost of caring for others”
Coping when another person’s trauma is a reminder can be challenging. But it can also be an opportunity for healing and growth.
Have audience guess what this means Survivor Guilt: This is a lonely realization to face as an individual - because it makes you feel guilty just for having survived. Survivor, survivor's, or survivors guilt or syndrome is a mental condition that occurs when a person perceives themself to have done wrong by surviving a traumatic event. It may be found among survivors of combat, natural disasters, epidemics, among the friends and family of those who have committed suicide, and in non-mortal situations among those whose colleagues are laid off. The experience and manifestation of survivor's guilt will depend on an individual's psychological profile. When the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders IV (DSM-IV) was published, survivor guilt was removed as a recognized specific diagnosis, and redefined as a significant symptom of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
You've come too far, thru too much, to give up - it's like you're climbing a mountain - if you give up, you'll NEVER reach the top. I have nothin tho.... You have your brains, your grades, your scholarship, your ETV, food, a place to sleep - and people who care about you You have your brains, your grades, your scholarship, your ETV, food, a place to sleep - and people who care about you I know it's hard to wait I know it's hard to trust I know it's hard to hold onto hope some days - but if you listen only to the pain, and give up too soon, you will NEVER know what positive things are in store for you You have all the work you've done to earn those grades on your transcript You have the courage to stand up for what's right and say what's true - that shows your inner strength as a person Sometimes, when we are in pain, it's hard to remember how strong we really are. It's like the emotions make us forget I wish for a miracle...I do so much You are the miracle - all this work you do every day IS accomplishing the foundation for your future -nothing u have done is wasted I wish I felt that way. Facts vs. Feelings - feelings are powerful, but truth is what stands the test of time This doesn't mean your feelings don't matter - they absolutely do - but when the flood of emotions comes rushing in, you have to hold onto the rock of facts so you don't drown
Be mindful that your inner critic may come up with lots of reasons why this won’t work, why you won’t be able to do this, why this isn’t a good time and most commonly: “ But I already know all of this, I know how to have better self care!” Helpers are better than anyone at “yes butting” By taking care of ourselves, we can reduce our risk of developing Compassion Fatigue. And make it easier to face the challenges What can you do every day just for you? What will give you pleasure? Release your stress? Keep you physically fit? Restore balance in your life? What can you do that is just plain fun? If you don’t put it on your calendar, it won’t happen. Consider a “buddy program”
Definition of "tenacious:" Persistent in maintaining, adhering to, or seeking something valued or desired. We all need to be tenacious right now. As former fosters, we DO have to be tenacious in order to survive – but we can help and support one another in the process
Whiteboard: draw Stephen Covey diagrams (or have as a handout)