This slide deck is designed to assist when relationships are ‘sticky.’ It offers strategies for self-management and safe communication so parties can calm themselves enough to hear the other person and get their message across in a civil and respectful manner.
6. Choice Map
Developed by Marilee
Adams, PHD
Helps people see their
communication when in
conflict
Strategy to respond to
‘sticky’ situation
constructively
7. Live the Choice Map:
Use it when you are in an
‘incident’ – (disappointed,
fearful, angry, frustrated)
Learner or Judger Path?
Were you able to notice
yourself on Judger Path &
switch lanes?
What helped you to switch
lanes?
10. 3 ‘A’ Trap
1. Accommodate – we say ‘yes’ when
we want to say ‘no’ – go along to
‘get along’
2. Attack – wesay ‘no’ in a way that
is hurtful to the relationship
3. Avoid – we don’t say ‘yes’ and we
don’t say ‘no.” Afraid of offending
others. Hope problem will
disappear.
13. Going to the ‘balcony’
based on the thinking and
writing of William Ury
Conflict management
specialist from the United
States
14. Going to Balcony helps:
Move you into logical, thinking brain
Distance you from strong emotions
Get perspective on the situation
Prepare for a ‘do over’
Examine … what are my needs?
Look at situation from other person’s
perspective
Plan for a ’repair’
16. Start with Heart
Based on literature from
Crucial Conversations. Tools
for Talking When Stakes are
High
Authors: Joseph Grenny, Ron
McMillan, Al Switzler & Kerry
Patterson
17. Start with Heart
Focus on what you really want:
Begin ‘high risk’ discussions with the
right motives
Ask: “What do I really want for
myself? For Others? Relationship?”
Project? Patients?
Avoid focus on negativity and
judgment
26. Contrasting
Tend to the relationship
BEFORE tending to the issue
I do, I don’t statements
Purpose: establish or re-
establish Mutual Purpose
and/or Mutual Respect
27. “DON’T” part “DO” part
• Addresses others’
concerns that you
don’t respect
them or have a
malicious
purpose
• Confirms your
respect or
clarifies your
real purpose
• “The last thing I
want to do is
communicate that
your contribution
isn’t valued, Jim.”
• “I do want to
make sure I can
handle this
project and
deliver it on
28. Explore Other’s Side
Ask to get things rolling – “Rubina,
what was happening for you when
you pushed the things off the
desk?”
Mirror to confirm feelings –
“Sounds like you were pretty
anxious.”
Listen actively
30. State Your Side
Give benefit of the doubt – you
may not realize, you may not know
…
Tell your story (express
intent/effect)
Share your facts
Talk tentatively rather than
definitely