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How to communicate better with your workmates using non-violent communication
- 1. Are you really listening? Sarah Kelly and Leo Allen How to communicate better with your workmates
- 4. Agile provides us with opportunities to communicate, but doesn’t tell us how to communicate
- 5. “Teams can't function effectively if communication is not kept flowing, fears acknowledged, anger discharged, joy shared” Kent Beck
- 6. How do we become better communicators?
- 7. What is empathy? “The ability to understand and share the feelings of another” OED 2017
- 8. We can think of empathy as a kind of feeling-with
- 9. Empathy enables collaboration and cooperation which helps bring individuals into communities
- 10. We can think of empathy as a kind of feeling-with and a reaching-toward
- 11. What tools are there? ● Nonviolent Communication (NVC) ● Active Listening ● 360° feedback ● Mindfulness ● Embodiment practices ● Sociocracy ● “Yes, and”
- 12. Nonviolent Communication (NVC)Developed by Marshall Rosenberg
- 13. Collaborative Communication Developed by Marshall Rosenberg
- 14. But I’m not a violent communicator!
- 18. Nonviolent Communication (NVC) 1. Empathetic listening to self - what are my needs? 2. Empathetic listening to another - what are your needs? 3. Honest expression of self and needs to another - how can we communicate our needs?
- 19. Four step process 1. Observations 2. Feelings 3. Needs 4. Request
- 20. Observations What am I hearing? What am I seeing?
- 21. Feelings How does this situation make me/you feel?
- 22. Needs What are my needs? What are your needs?
- 24. Requests What concrete actions would you take?
- 25. When could we use this?
- 26. “Criticism and blame lead us away from getting our needs met” Chade-Meng Tan
- 27. Four step process 1. Observations 2. Feelings 3. Needs 4. Request
- 28. Observations What are you hearing? What are you seeing?
- 29. Feelings How does this situation make you feel?
- 30. Needs What are your needs?
- 32. Requests What concrete actions would you take?
- 33. How would you communicate this?
- 34. Requests “When I see...” Needs Feelings Observatio ns “I feel...” “Because I need...” “So would you be willing to…?”
- 35. Would I really use it?
- 36. Nonviolent Communication (NVC) 1. Empathetic listening to self - what are my needs? 2. Empathetic listening to another - what are your needs? 3. Honest expression of self and needs to another - how can we communicate our needs?
- 37. Any questions?
Editor's Notes
- Sarah, start with a mini game Leo welcome
- Ask the crowd
- Complex environments - comms is key Waterfall, plan everything upfront, in theory no need for coms! Agile: small tight loops, individuals interactions, feedback ensures that we can change and improve quickly The end of these loops is retros, we also have standups etc. but...
- Retros 1:1s just opportunities “The smooth running of an Agile project relies on the smooth expression of emotions.”
- Kent Beck (agile signatory) goes further than says says In environment where frustrated at the poor clarity of the code your team produces Don’t express frustration: disillusioned, work less well, maybe less clarity in your code too Voice that frustration, you’ll feel better, but also an opportunity for the code to improve and everyone to be happier BUT HOW? Sarah: We need specific tools, skills, frameworks And we need to cultivate PRACTICE
- EMPATHY!
- Lots of tools/frameworks to help us structure our communication in this way
- Sarah intro
- Resolve conflicts But for us it’s more bring up difficult things
- I’ll do the grey bits, sarah does the rest
- This can be done when thinking about your own feelings/needs or another.
- Sarah, start with a mini game
- Sarah, start with a mini game More here http://www.cnvc.org/Training/feelings-inventory
- Sarah, start with a mini game
- Most of the needs are more to the top There’s others too but this is a good start More here https://www.cnvc.org/Training/needs-inventory
- Sarah, start with a mini game
- 1:1/Mediation/Retro/Bringing up “difficult stuff”/Talking to a client Volunteer - what would you do? You’d complain at the pub right?
- Former Jolly Good Fellow at Google, helping their employees communicate
- This can be done when thinking about your own feelings/needs or another. We could spend an entire day on
- Sarah, start with a mini game
- Sarah, start with a mini game More here http://www.cnvc.org/Training/feelings-inventory
- Sarah, start with a mini game
- Most of the needs are more to the top There’s others too but this is a good start More here https://www.cnvc.org/Training/needs-inventory
- Sarah, start with a mini game
- 1:1/Mediation/Retro/Bringing up “difficult stuff”/Talking to a client Volunteer - what would you do? You’d complain at the pub right?
- I’ll do the grey bits, sarah does the rest
- “Stop NVCing me”
- I’ll do the grey bits, sarah does the rest
- 1:1 Mediation Retro Bringing up “difficult stuff” Talking to a client
- More? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=6iDMuB6NjNA https://www.trainingzone.co.uk/develop/cpd/trainers-tips-active-listening-exercises