random quotes to enjoy, entrain and to share

1. Some great one liners, put downs and interesting quotes

2. If you think you are too small to make an impact try going to bed with a mosquito in the room Betty Reese

3. For sincere advice and the correct time call any number at random at 3am - Steve Martin

4. Build a man a fire and he will be warm for the day – set a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life - Terry Pratchett

5. Statistics are like bikinis. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital. Aaron Levenstein

6. The secret of success is sincerity – if you can fake that you have it made George Burns

7. I have not failed –I have just found 10000 ways that don’t work – Thomas Edison

8. If you think its difficult to meet new people try picking up someone else’s ball in golf – Jack Lemmon

9. Everyone laughed when I first said I wanted to be a comedian – well they’re not laughing now – Bob Monkhouse

10. We didn’t have metaphors in my day, we didn’t have time to beat around the bush- Fred Trueman

11. I think the expression its a small world is really a euphemism for “I keep running into people I cant stand - Brick Cohen

12. I took speed reading course, and read War and Peace in 20 minutes. .It’s about Russia - Woody Allen

13. The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up in public - George Jessel

14. When I think of Indonesia – a country on the equator, with 180 million people, a median age of 18, a muslim ban on alcohol, I know what heaven looks like - Coca Cola official

15. When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them– R Dangerfield

16. I’d hate to be a teetotaller, Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that’s as good as you are going to feel all day - Dean Martin

17. The amount of sleep required by the average person is 5 minutes more – Wilson Miezner

18. Some cause happiness where they go, some whenever they go - Oscar Wilde

19. A minor operation is one performed on someone else - Victoria Wood

20. Outside every thin woman is a fat man trying to get in - Katherine Whitehorn

21. I don’t like country music but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do. And for those who like country music denigrate means to put down. Bob Newhart

22. All I ever wanted was an honest weeks pay for an honest days work – Sgt Bilko

23. Friends help you move, real friends help you move bodies – Milton Berle

24. A liberal is a person whose interests are not at stake at the moment - Willis Player

25. The marriage suffered a setback when the husband killed the wife- The Guardian 1967

26. In the Eskimo language Inuktitut, there is a single word meaning ‘I should try not to become an alcoholic’ – IminngernaveersaartunngortussaavungaNEW YORK SUN, 2006

27. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak Anon

28. Peter Cosgrove087 6200836peter.cosgrove@cpl.ie