1. How to Write E-Mail to
People Who “Don’t Read”
Leslie O’Flahavan, E-WRITE
@LeslieO
Center for Disease Control and Prevention
April 26, 2013

2. Thanks for the opportunity to present
this webinar!
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3. Download today’s PPT and handouts
• Handouts only:
bit.ly/Xxmlya
• Handouts and PPT:
bit.ly/Zlu22c
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4. How can we tell people aren’t
reading our e-mails?
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5. Are e-mail readers lazy? Hateful?
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6. E-mail readers are overwhelmed
To: All Staff, Prime Products Inc.
From Mike Mansfield, Facilities Supervisor, Prime Products
Subject: Temperature control
I hope everyone has had a nice summer. As we move forward to the fall and the winter months I wanted to go over some
things as we prepare for the cold weather. I have been working with the landlord closely throughout the summer and will
continue to do so to address one of our main concerns here in the office, HVAC. During the summer we have experienced
some problems with areas on our floors being too warm and some being too cold. As a reminder, per our lease, ABC
Management is required to keep our temperature ranges between 70 degrees and 74 degrees annually. I have noticed during
walks around the spaces that there are personal space heaters and or coolers beings used. Unfortunately these unites are
considered a safety hazard and are not allowed to be use in our spaces. This is also written into our lease and they can be
taken should the engineers see them. I have asked them not to do so as we continue to pro-actively address our problems. In
the course of working with the engineers we have determined that these units have attributed to our heating and cooling
problems. Here are some things that our Prime Products team can do to help correct these issues.
•Do not tamper with the thermostats. (they have been calibrated accordingly in order to keep our space within the optimum
temperature range)
•Do not use space heaters. (the units affect the immediate temperature at or near thermostats and can cause additional
cooling when not needed, thus making the space even cooler)
•Keep a light weight jacket or sweater in the office during cooler days.
•Please notify me or Bill Edwards (main lobby reception area) with any hot or cold concerns so the landlord can be notified
immediately
•Turn in your space heater (if purchased by Prime Products) for donation!
I will be working in conjunction with the landlord to set up a Space Heater Day in order to show Prime Products’ commitment
to having a safe and warm winter this season. All heaters can be turned in for collection and will be donated accordingly to
those less fortunate this winter. I look forward to working with ABC Management as well as Prime Products staff to help keep
this a safe and warm winter season.
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7. Today’s topics
1. How to write a must-open subject line
2. Why and how to present the most
important information at the beginning of
your e-mail
3. How to control your e-mail tone so you
can connect with colleagues and
customers
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8. Part 1: How to write a must-
open subject line

9. Q. Why is the subject line so important?
A. Readers use it to do inbox triage.
Good subjects line helps reader answer
these questions:
1.When should I read this e-mail?
2.What is this e-mail about?
3.Will I need to do anything?
4.Can I delete this e-mail without reading it?
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10. Which of these subject lines helps
readers answer the 4 questions?
1. Last Day to Order Computer at Discount – June 6, 2013
2. Silver Seal Sample Bottles
3. Re: CHANT meeting
4. Payment for Eddy Breeze
5. Join me in the Director's Box this Sunday, June 22?
6. Potential Commuting Problems Tomorrow – Friday, April 16
7. Re: Arts Academy
8. Sales Plan - Feedback
9. Vacation Leave
10. New York Music Ensemble - This Sunday!
11. RE: Project update
12. Listing of 2011 materials/handouts Please review and respond by
January 23.
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11. Which of these subject lines helps
readers answer the 4 questions?
1. Last Day to Order Computer at Discount – June 6, 2013
2. Silver Seal Sample Bottles
3. Re: CHANT meeting
4. Payment for Eddy Breeze
5. Join me in the Director's Box this Sunday, June 22?
6. Potential Commuting Problems Tomorrow – Friday, April 16
7. Re: Arts Academy
8. Sales Plan - Feedback
9. Vacation Leave
10. New York Music Ensemble - This Sunday!
11. RE: Project update
12. Listing of 2011 materials/handouts Please review and respond by
January 23.
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12. How to write a useful subject line
Begin with a noun that identifies the type of
message you’re writing
• Question • Policy
• Inquiry • Schedule
• Request • Invitation
• Recommendation • Announcement
• Suggestion • Follow-up
• Proposal • Update
• Instructions • Alert
• Procedure • Agenda
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13. Improve the subject line
From: Catherine_Howe@SilverSpringU.edu
To: Multiple recipients of list AHCI-L
Subject: Historical Society Photographs
SSU’s Office of Imaging, Printing, and Photographic Services (IPPS) provides online
images covering topics ranging from air and space to science, technology, history and
even current events. IPPS has just acquired a collection of 2,000 photographs from the
SSU Historical Society. You can download these image files to view at home or in school.
These images give you and your students the opportunity to see and learn about many of
SSU’s interests and accomplishments over the years.
You have the Historical Society's permission to download these digital images to use in
class presentations. Students can download them for research and media projects, etc.
Check it out. There are some interesting images
athttp://www.ssu.edu/HistSocietyColl.html Please don't hesitate to get in touch with me if
you would like more information or need some help.
Catherine Howe
Director of Media Relations, SSU
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14. Improve the subject line
From: lballou@cdec.net
To: Wwright@afb.com
Subject: Re: 2013 catalogue product descriptions
Wendy, I just wanted to let you know that we’re about to change our
accounts payable process. I promise to get your pricing agreement
signed and turned around just as soon as possible. I’m having a
meeting with our sourcing department on Friday and plan to turn it over
to them. I, unfortunately, don’t have the name of someone for you to
contact about the pricing agreement. Rest assured – I am working on it
for you.
Have a great holiday!
Larry
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15. Improve the subject line
From: Catherine_Howe@SilverSpringU.edu
To: Multiple recipients of list AHCI-L
Subject: Historical Society Photographs
Subject: Recommendation – download Historical Society photos for class use
SSU’s Office of Imaging, Printing, and Photographic Services (IPPS) provides online
images covering topics ranging from air and space to science, technology, history and
even current events. IPPS has just acquired a collection of 2,000 photographs from the
SSU Historical Society. You can download these image files to view at home or in school.
These images give you and your students the opportunity to see and learn about many of
SSU’s interests and accomplishments over the years.
You have the Historical Society's permission to download these digital images to use in
class presentations. Students can download them for research and media projects, etc.
Check it out. There are some interesting images
athttp://www.ssu.edu/HistSocietyColl.html Please don't hesitate to get in touch with me if
you would like more information or need some help.
Catherine Howe
Director of Media Relations, SSU
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16. Improve the subject line
From: lballou@cdec.net
To: Wwright@afb.com
Subject: Re: 2013 catalogue product descriptions
Subject: Follow-up on your pricing agreement
Wendy, I just wanted to let you know that we’re about to change our
accounts payable process. I promise to get your pricing agreement
signed and turned around just as soon as possible. I’m having a
meeting with our sourcing department on Friday and plan to turn it over
to them. I, unfortunately, don’t have the name of someone for you to
contact about the pricing agreement. Rest assured – I am working on it
for you.
Have a great holiday!
Larry
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17. Part 2: Why and how to
present the most important
information at the beginning of
your e-mail
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18. Why present the most important
information first?
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19. BLUF: Put the Bottom Line Up Front
From: Eleanor Richter, NRS Human Resources Manager
To: All NRS employees
Subject: Purchasing Comnet Computers at a Discount
Because of our ongoing relationship with Comnet Computers, we’ve worked out an agreement that enables NRS employees
to buy Comnet Computers for personal use at a discount - as much as 20 percent off retail prices.
Who Is Eligible?
All full time employees who have worked for NRS for at least one year are eligible. Part ‑time permanent employees are
eligible when their work‑hours equal one full year. Temporary employees, interns and contractors are not eligible.
What Products Are Available?
NRS employees can order any Comnet computer hardware at a discount. These products include desktop and laptop
computers, monitors, and printers. You may also buy software from Comnet and it will be loaded on the computer you
purchase. However, there’s no discount for software.
What Is The Ordering Procedure?
Call Comnet at 800‑224‑7600 and request a catalog and NRS price sheet. After completing the order form, e-mail it to Max
Sluter in Purchasing. He will verify your eligibility and forward the order to Comnet. Comnet will then ship the order within 7
business days. You may order up to $6,000 of equipment each year through NRS.
How Do I Pay For The Computer?
There are two payment options: direct pay and payroll deduction. If you select direct pay, you arrange payment with Comnet
directly and pay for the order by check or credit card. If you select payroll deduction, the cost of your order will be deducted
from your paycheck over 2 years. There is no interest charge added for the payroll deduction option.
If you have any questions about ordering a computer please contact Max at Msluter@nrs.com or 866-999-5555.
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20. Practice: Write a BLUF and
subject line
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21. Part 3: How to control your e-
mail tone so you can connect
with colleagues and
customers
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22. Tone = how you say what you say
Bureaucratic tone Personal, professional tone
To whom it may concern Hello, Dear, Hi
As per our discussion As we discussed
Utilize Use
The applicant will be required You will need to …
to…
It has come to my attention I have noticed, I have learned
that..
On or before September 16 By September 16
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23. Choose a tone that supports your
purpose for writing
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24. Does this writer’s tone support his
purpose?
From: Swanson, Charles
To: Financial Aid Office
Subject: Request for final review of items to keep on the K Drive
Attached please find a summary of the materials on the K drive that people identified as
being used. All financial aid employees should review the summary, examine the K drive
once again, contact me immediately to make me aware of any omissions from the
summary.
Employees who mistakenly assume that I realize they utilize particular items on the K
drive are thoroughly mistaken. It is your responsibility to identify items you do NOT want
removed.
The deadline for your response is January 7th. Any responses received after that date will
be disregarded.
Charles Swanson, Director of Financial Aid
University of Silver Spring
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25. Does this writer’s tone support his
purpose?
From: Swanson, Charles
To: Financial Aid Office
Subject: Request for final review of items to keep on the K Drive
Attached is a summary of the materials on the K drive that people identified as being used. (No one
identified any items on the H drive as being used.) Please take a look at the summary, and take one
more look at the K drive and let me know whether there’s anything that you use on the K drive that
isn’t included on the attached summary.
Please don’t assume that I realize that you use it. If it’s not listed on the attached summary, then it is
scheduled for removal, so make sure you let me know if I need to add something.
I’ll start working on this once I’m back from the Colloquium, so let me know any updates that I need to
add by January 7th. Thanks for helping me make the K drive more useful for everyone.
Chad
Charles Swanson, Director of Financial Aid
University of Silver Spring
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26. Mirror your respondent’s tone
(or at least be aware of it)
From: Kevin Shapiro From: Watkins, Marta
To: Watkins, Marta To: Kevin Shapiro
Subject: Need retainer contract Subject: RE: Need retainer
contract
Hi, Marta –
Kevin:
Good morning. Thanks for mailing the
retainer contract to me; I received it last I received your reply. If you would,
Friday. Do you want me to complete it execute the retainer document and
now or just wait until a customized return three copies to my attention.
training opportunity arises? We can add the addendum with the
I’m looking forward to working with you. individual courses if and when we
Thanks – receive inquiries.
Kevin Shapiro, The Education Company Marta Watkins, Ph.D.
Manager, Member Services
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27. Questions? Comments?
Contact info:
Leslie O’Flahavan, E-WRITE
Leslie@ewriteonline.com
301-989-9583
www.ewriteonline.com
@LeslieO
www.linkedin.com/in/leslieoflahavan
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