This presentation is the supporting material from a workshop I facilitated at the uxcon Vienna 2023 conference.

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Authentic
Conversations
Your team’s superpower when you don’t have magic lassos
uxcon Vienna 2023
Jennifer Fraser
Image Source:
https://discoveringwonderwoman.com/making-a-magic-lasso/

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Plan for today’s session
What is an organization, anyway?
Ice Breaker: Superpower Cards
3 Tools:
Decision-maker Framework
Hero/Victim/Villain
Authentic Conversation
COFNR
Feelings/Needs Card
Practice
Wrap-up

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What is an organization anyway?

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Image Source:
https://www.organimi.com/the-evolution-of-org-charts/

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Image Source:
https://www.organimi.com/the-evolution-of-org-charts/

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“Little Boxes” - Malvina Reynolds
Little boxes on the hillside
Little boxes made of ticky tacky
Little boxes on the hillside
Little boxes all the same
There's a pink one and a green one
And a blue one and a yellow one
And they're all made out of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same…
Image Credit: IDuke
Videos:
Malvina Reynolds
Pete Seeger
Walk off the Earth

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Image Source:
https://www.bl.uk/collection-items/hobbess-leviathan

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Where does that leave us?

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Image Source:
https://www.organimi.com/the-evolution-of-org-charts/

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Organization
Team
Individual
SCALES OF ENGAGEMENT

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Organization
Team
Individual
SCALES OF ENGAGEMENT

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How to look at the Superpower card through those different scales of engagement:
Individual
The individual has agency to:
Fill out, or not fill out, a card
Select their card style and avatar from templates, or can make their own.
Add whatever they want in the “About Me” section
Add what they feel are their Superpowers.
Team
People are encouraged to add Superpowers that their colleagues might not know that they have.
Cards are encouraged to be updated at a Quarterly cadence in Community of Practice Meetings.
Cards are also being used at Internal Project kick-offs and Project close-out.
Organization
Choosing to fill out your card becomes a step in the new employee onboarding process.
Everyone across the organization has a Superpower card.
What surprised me.
How quickly the cards became used
beyond their original intent.
People’s enthusiasm to add additional
superpowers to colleagues’ cards
SUPERPOWER CARDS

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Goal:
Fill out your own Superpower card by:
- Selecting from the stickers, or by drawing, your own avatar
- Describe something about why you chose that to be your avatar
- Write down three Superpowers you think that you possess
- Is there something you can share about something you are working on? or something
that you have worked on that you are proud of?
- Is there anything else you’d like to share about yourself?
Things to consider:
What changes might you make if you were to implement a card similar to this within
your own team or organization?
How could this activity fit within the context of other existing rituals that happen at the
individual, team or organization scales?
5 mins
Activity #1: fill out your Superpowers card
ACTIVITY

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Goal:
Those at the table that are comfortable doing so, please share what you have written on
your Superpowers card with others at your table.
As a part of that sharing please try and include:
What changes might you make if you were to implement a card similar to this within
your own team or organization?
What existing rituals happen at the individual, team or organization scales that an
activity like this could become a part of?
10 mins
Activity #2: share your Superpowers card
ACTIVITY

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Plan for today’s session
What is an organization, anyway?
Ice Breaker: Superpower Cards
3 Tools:
Decision-maker Framework
Hero/Victim/Villain
Authentic Conversation
COFNR
Feelings/Needs Card
Practice
Wrap-up

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1. The Decision-maker Framework

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DECISION-MAKER FRAMEWORK

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DECISION-MAKER FRAMEWORK
What is this Framework and how does it work?
When using the Decision-maker framework, decisions are made by a single
individual: the decision maker.
The decision maker consults with stakeholders before making the decision and
the person with the ultimate accountability for the decision (who is not the
decision-maker) does have the ability to veto the decision*.
This approach combines the consultation of consensus with a single point of
accountability.
Who is the decision maker?
This is the most critical question of this
approach.
The choice here is what separates a
culture that supports agency from an
authoritative one.
It is a balance between breadth of
perspective and proximity to the issue.
* more about this later

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DECISION-MAKER FRAMEWORK
The culture
Decisions often have multiple options,
each of which is well-supported by
facts and data.
The decision maker therefore has to
make a decision, choosing one of
many viable options.
We should neither expect nor desire
the alignment of choice between the
decision maker and others in the
organization.
The craft
While the science is somewhat easy to
understand, practicing it constructively
is a craft and, therefore, requires
practice. People need to practice the
craft of the framework intentional about
using its language.
The science
The framework requires clarity:
What decision needs to be made?
Who is the decision maker?
How will input be gathered?
When will the decision be made?
How will it be communicated?
Who has the accountability of veto*?
*The mindful use of veto is an important part of the framework.
- Exercising the veto should be infrequent and reserved for avoiding a harmful
decision, not for choosing the preferred one.
- In order to exercise the veto, there needs to be a preponderance of evidence
contrary to the proposed decision.
- The veto should be exercised in private and can be used as a coaching
opportunity to broaden the perspective of the decision maker.

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DECISION-MAKER FRAMEWORK

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DECISION-MAKER FRAMEWORK
Who is the
Decision-maker on this?

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Plan for today’s session
What is an organization, anyway?
Ice Breaker: Superpower Cards
3 Tools:
Decision-maker Framework
Hero/Victim/Villain
Authentic Conversation
COFNR
Feelings/Needs Card
Practice
Wrap-up

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HERO/VICTIM/VILLAIN
Hero
Victim
Villain
The “Drama”
Triangle

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Plan for today’s session
What is an organization, anyway?
Ice Breaker: Superpower Cards
3 Tools:
Decision-maker Framework
Hero/Victim/Villain
Authentic Conversation
COFNR
Feelings/Needs Card
Practice
Wrap-up

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS
Choice

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS
Choice
Observation Feelings Needs Request

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS
Choice
Observation Feelings Needs Request
Judgement Thoughts Wants Demands

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS
Choice
Observation Feelings Needs Request
Judgement Thoughts Wants Demands

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS
Choice Observation Feelings Needs Request
=COFNR

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS
Choice Observation Feelings Needs Request

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - OBSERVATION
What does it mean to “Observe”?

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - OBSERVATION
What does it mean to “Observe”?
To see a situation, or person, without evaluation.
This means that we see people, and their behaviour, without judgement,
criticism, or any other kind of analysis

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - OBSERVATION
Some examples1
:
Sam didn’t ask for my opinion during the meeting.
1. The first three examples are from Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication
(PuddleDancer Press, 2015), Chapter 3: Exercise 1.

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - OBSERVATION
Some examples1
:
Sam didn’t ask for my opinion during the meeting.
1. The first three examples are from Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication
(PuddleDancer Press, 2015), Chapter 3: Exercise 1.

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - OBSERVATION
Some examples1
:
Sam didn’t ask for my opinion during the meeting.
Janice works too much.
1. The first three examples are from Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication
(PuddleDancer Press, 2015), Chapter 3: Exercise 1.

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - OBSERVATION
Some examples1
:
Sam didn’t ask for my opinion during the meeting.
Janice works too much.
For the last three weeks, Janice has worked more than sixty hours per week.
1. The first three examples are from Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication
(PuddleDancer Press, 2015), Chapter 3: Exercise 1.

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - OBSERVATION
Some examples1
:
Sam didn’t ask for my opinion during the meeting.
Janice works too much.
For the last three weeks, Janice has worked more than sixty hours per week.
Pam was first in line every day this week.
1. The first three examples are from Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication
(PuddleDancer Press, 2015), Chapter 3: Exercise 1.

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - OBSERVATION
Some examples1
:
Sam didn’t ask for my opinion during the meeting.
Janice works too much.
For the last three weeks, Janice has worked more than sixty hours per week.
Pam was first in line every day this week.
1. The first three examples are from Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication
(PuddleDancer Press, 2015), Chapter 3: Exercise 1.

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - OBSERVATION
Some examples1
:
Sam didn’t ask for my opinion during the meeting.
Janice works too much.
For the last three weeks, Janice has worked more than sixty hours per week.
Pam was first in line every day this week.
He is late for all of our meetings.
1. The first three examples are from Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication
(PuddleDancer Press, 2015), Chapter 3: Exercise 1.

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - OBSERVATION
Some examples1
:
Sam didn’t ask for my opinion during the meeting.
Janice works too much.
For the last three weeks, Janice has worked more than sixty hours per week.
Pam was first in line every day this week.
He is late for all of our meetings.
Our weekly meeting starts at 9:00am and for the last three meetings he has
joined the meeting after 9:05am.
1. The first three examples are from Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication
(PuddleDancer Press, 2015), Chapter 3: Exercise 1.

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS
Choice Observation Feelings Needs Request

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS
Choice Observation Feelings Needs Request

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - FEELINGS AND NEEDS
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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - FEELINGS AND NEEDS
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Communication for co-creation.

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - FEELINGS AND NEEDS CARD

56. AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - FEELINGS
Some examples1
:
I feel that you don’t like me.
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1. All examples are from Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication (PuddleDancer Press,
2015), Chapter 4: Exercise 2.

57. Some examples1
:
I feel that you don’t like me.
I feel sad.
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1. All examples are from Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication (PuddleDancer Press,
2015), Chapter 4: Exercise 2.
AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - FEELINGS

58. Some examples1
:
I feel that you don’t like me.
I feel sad.
I am sad that you are leaving.
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1. All examples are from Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication (PuddleDancer Press,
2015), Chapter 4: Exercise 2.
AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - FEELINGS

59. Some examples1
:
I feel that you don’t like me.
I feel sad.
I am sad that you are leaving.
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1. All examples are from Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication (PuddleDancer Press,
2015), Chapter 4: Exercise 2.
AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - FEELINGS

60. Some examples1
:
I feel that you don’t like me.
I feel sad.
I am sad that you are leaving.
I feel misunderstood.
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1. All examples are from Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication (PuddleDancer Press,
2015), Chapter 4: Exercise 2.
AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - FEELINGS

61. Some examples1
:
I feel that you don’t like me.
I feel sad.
I am sad that you are leaving.
I feel misunderstood.
I feel frustrated.
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1. All examples are from Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication (PuddleDancer Press,
2015), Chapter 4: Exercise 2.
AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - FEELINGS

62. Some examples1
:
I feel that you don’t like me.
I feel sad.
I am sad that you are leaving.
I feel misunderstood.
I feel frustrated.
I am happy that you are coming.
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1. All examples are from Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication (PuddleDancer Press,
2015), Chapter 4: Exercise 2.
AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - FEELINGS

63. Some examples1
:
I feel that you don’t like me.
I feel sad.
I am sad that you are leaving.
I feel misunderstood.
I feel frustrated.
I am happy that you are coming.
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1. All examples are from Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication (PuddleDancer Press,
2015), Chapter 4: Exercise 2.
AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - FEELINGS

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - FEELINGS AND NEEDS
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65. AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - NEEDS
Some examples1
:
I feel frustrated when you come late.
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1. Examples 1 and 2 are loosely based on Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication
(PuddleDancer Press, 2015), Chapter 5: Exercise 3.

66. AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - NEEDS
Some examples1
:
I feel frustrated when you come late.
I feel frustrated and have a need for effectiveness, community and respect
and so I would like start the meeting with all the participants at the same
time.
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1. Examples 1 and 2 are loosely based on Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication
(PuddleDancer Press, 2015), Chapter 5: Exercise 3.

67. AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - NEEDS
Some examples1
:
I feel frustrated when you come late.
I feel frustrated and have a need for effectiveness, community and respect
and so I would like start the meeting with all the participants at the same
time.
Things people say sometimes hurt me.
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1. Examples 1 and 2 are loosely based on Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication
(PuddleDancer Press, 2015), Chapter 5: Exercise 3.

68. AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - NEEDS
Some examples1
:
I feel frustrated when you come late.
I feel frustrated and have a need for effectiveness, community and respect
and so I would like start the meeting with all the participants at the same
time.
Things people say sometimes hurt me.
Sometimes when people say things I feel hurt because I want my
contribution to be considered of value.
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1. Examples 1 and 2 are loosely based on Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication
(PuddleDancer Press, 2015), Chapter 5: Exercise 3.

69. AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - NEEDS
Some examples1
:
I feel frustrated when you come late.
I feel frustrated and have a need for effectiveness, community and respect
and so I would like start the meeting with all the participants at the same
time.
Things people say sometimes hurt me.
Sometimes when people say things I feel hurt because I want my
contribution to be considered of value.
I feel frustrated when you say that because I have a need for community and
cocreation.
69
1. Examples 1 and 2 are loosely based on Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication
(PuddleDancer Press, 2015), Chapter 5: Exercise 3.

70. AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - NEEDS
Some examples1
:
I feel frustrated when you come late.
I feel frustrated and have a need for effectiveness, community and respect
and so I would like start the meeting with all the participants at the same
time.
Things people say sometimes hurt me.
Sometimes when people say things I feel hurt because I want my
contribution to be considered of value.
I feel frustrated when you say that because I have a need for community and
cocreation.
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1. Examples 1 and 2 are loosely based on Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication
(PuddleDancer Press, 2015), Chapter 5: Exercise 3.

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS
Choice
Observation Feelings Needs Request
Judgement Thoughts Wants Demands

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Goal:
Practice talking about your feeling and needs by:
- Take a few minutes and think about a situation that has happened to you recently, at
work, or outside of work
- Using the Feeling and Needs cards think about what feeling you had in that situation and
what was the underlying need that was being met, or not being met in that situation
- Once enough people in the group have examples that they are willing to share with
others, start talking through them
Things to consider:
Are you truly expressing a feeling, or are using words such as like or as if? Eg: “I feel like
a failure.”, or “I feel as if they don’t understand me.”
Are you connecting your feeling with your need?: “I feel…. because I need….”
What changes might you make if you were to share a card similar to this within your own
team or organization?
30 mins
Activity #3: articulating feelings and needs
ACTIVITY

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Plan for today’s session
What is an organization, anyway?
Ice Breaker: Superpower Cards
3 Tools:
Decision-maker Framework
Hero/Victim/Villain
Authentic Conversation
COFNR
Feelings/Needs Card
Practice
Wrap-up

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SCALES OF ENGAGEMENT
Organization
Team
Individual

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DECISION-MAKER FRAMEWORK
Who is the
Decision-maker on this?

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HERO/VICTIM/VILLAIN
Hero
Victim
Villain
The “Drama”
Triangle

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS
Choice
Observation Feelings Needs Request
Judgement Thoughts Wants Demands

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The Evolution of Org Charts: From the 1850s to Now
Post by the Org Chart Product Company Organimi
Karpman Drama Triangle
Wikipedia page
Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
Book by Marshall Rosenberg
Certification in Nonviolent Communication
Via the Centre for Nonviolent Communication
Nonviolent Global Liberation Community
Resources from Miki Kashtan and this NVC rooted community
Pathways to Liberation Self-assessment
From Jori and Jim Manske, certified trainers for the Center for Nonviolent Communication
Thank you.
REFERENCES AND RESOURCES