The document discusses NLP (natural language processing) and its impact on relationships and leadership. It notes that emojis, text-speak, and communicating solely through images can replace carefully crafted sentences, potentially impacting how people connect daily. It emphasizes that language is important for connecting meaningfully with others, learning from their experiences, and impacting the challenges in our work and personal relationships, which make up most of our time. The document then introduces Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) as a way to manage relationships and ourselves more mindfully through acceptance of what we can't control and committing to values-based actions that enrich our lives.

1. NLP – Language processing in the digital age
& the impact on relationships and leadership
Salema Veliu
Digital Mental Health and Well-Being Consultant for Organisational & Academic Development and Leadership
Coaching Psychology Dip HE
Experimental Cognitive Psychology and Neuroscience BS CertHE
University of Cambridge

2. NLP
Language + the
impact of digital
Suffering due to: emojis, text-speak, and
communicating solely with images are
replacing carefully crafted sentences.
- How might this impact us daily ?

3. Communicate to Connect -Why is language important ?
• Most of the time it is how we connect deeply and meaningfully with others.
• It helps us learn from others’ experience.
• Most of our waking time is spent in relationships and communicating with
others.
• If you look at all the struggle, obstacles, challenges, turmoil we experience
most of this is due to the relationships we’re in work or our personal life.

4. Relationships
• Why on some days do other people get to you
and other days they don’t?
• Because… there is something different going on
in you not them, so you become the variable.
• Meaning some days you reflex and react and
other days you will respond.
• If you look at a relationship or situation you
have in your life that gives you these feelings it’s
actually not as fixed as you think it is.
• We can change it by how we speak about it
which can have profound impact on our mental
health and Well-being.

5. Why is
language
important
We use language to make associations between things,
people and places (Learned behaviour ~ Skinner).
For example:
If that person sounded like this it must be that.
If this person says this they expect that.
Language creates our reality by the
association to our experiences of life.

6. Negative side
of language
The same processes are
used to compare
ourselves negatively to
others.
We can use it to talk
negatively about our
situations, challenges life.
We can use to hurt,
belittle, judge and criticise
others.

7. Effective communication is a learned behaviour, and it’s never too late to learn!
• “If you can’t communicate, don’t try to lead.” – Dr. John Kline
• Listening is the neglected communication skill.
• All leaders and have received instruction in reading, writing, and speaking. Few
have had any formal instruction in listening.
• Research shows:
• About half a leader’s time involves listening.
• Government executives, and corporate CEOs declare that poor listening is the
number one problem in their organizations.

8. Communicate to Connect
Reframe your language, change your experience, improve the outcome
• Language can interfere with
cognition/thinking and behaviour/how
you respond to a particular event.
• How automated has your language
become?
• Does your language really reflect how
you are feeling.
• Change your language change the
experience change the outcome.

9. How can we manage the relationship with
ourselves and others more mindfully?
Enter ACT – A Brief introduction
Acceptance and
Commitment Therapy: an
empirically- supported
mindfulness-based therapy
( a form of CBT) created by
Steven Hayes in 1986.
ACT holds the idea that
some of the suffering we
experience is unnecessary
and even harmful to
our mental health.

10. Activate your
listening
Activate your
life!
• ACT applies relational frame theory to changing
and eliminating the thinking and language
patterns in how we relate, connect and identify
with things.
• Acceptance of what is out of your personal
control and Commitment to taking action that
enriches your life.
• ACT helps you to clarify what is truly important
and meaningful to you (your values) - then use
that knowledge to guide and motivate behavioral
change, to improve your quality of life.

11. AWARE - OPEN – ENGAGED
3 principles of act model
Engaged – Hands- Know what matters to you, do you what it takes to live that way under current
circumstances.
How could you take what you experienced here into your daily life?
Open – Head - step back & make room for thoughts & feelings.
Observe the difference between thinking and experiencing ‘Defusion vs Fusion’.
Aware – Heart - what have you just experienced in the here & now.
Notice what is going on inside & around you what showed up?

12. ACT
New Coping Mechanisms for Psychological Flexibility &
Emotional Agility
Steven Hayes and Russ Harris
describe psychological flexibility
as:
“The ability to contact the present
moment fully as a conscious
human being, and based on what
the situation affords, changing or
persisting in behaviour in the
service of chosen values.”
Value based exercises – to re-
evaluate and regulate thought
processes Fusion vs Defusion.
Fusion= Seeing the world through
your thoughts, rather than seeing
the thoughts as part of your
world.
When you see the thoughts as
realities, they can create
frustration, stuckness.
Defusion= Treating thoughts as
thoughts and not realities which
creates more mobility in emotions
and cognition (thinking).

13. The benefits
of working
with ACT
Deal skillfully with negative thinking and
unwanted emotions
Deal
Stay centered in pressure situations
Stay
Enhance focus and commitment to achieving
valued goals
Enhance
Learn tools and strategies to build and maintain
a resilient, healthy work and personal life
Learn

14. What does Act do in the workplace
Numerous workplace studies demonstrate that ACT benefits employees and organisations through:
Increased wellbeing & resilience
Improved performance
Reduced work stress/ burnout
Increased innovation in problem solving
Increased positive leadership behaviour
Reduced absenteeism

15. Values in ACT
• In ACT, values can be defined simply as
desired global qualities of ongoing action.
(Hayes, Bond, Barnes-Holmes, & Austin,
2006).
Or more precisely
• “Values are freely chosen, verbally
constructed consequences of ongoing,
dynamic, evolving patterns of activity, which
establish predominant reinforcers for that
activity that are intrinsic in engagement in the
valued behavioral pattern itself.” (Wilson &
DuFrene, 2009).

16. ACT Conversation cards
What are they?
Are a therapeutic
tool for working
with values.
To manage
emotions, achieve
goals and build
connection
Give meaningful
perspectives on
life
Exploration is
the aim. To
encourage
choice,
openness and
curious
discussion.

17. EMBRACING
the moment
engagement vs
distraction
• ACT Cards use images and simple phrases.
• Images are evocative, but ambiguous enough for
clients to develop their own meaning, reflection
and dialogue.
• For example “embracing the moment” could lead
to conversations on: being present, developing
carefree behaviour, valuing ones children or
friends, and even childhood reflections.
• These simple phrases and pictures are especially
useful for children/ or youth and for clients who
have little practice at discussing values, and may
find questions too confronting.

18. The different ways to use the
conversation cards – an
introduction
• Single card Value conversation (Quick session)
• Pick one card that resonates with you the most in this
moment.
• Why did you pick it? what does it represent and mean
to you?
• Is this something currently present or lacking of some
importance in your life?
• If it’s lacking why?
• What could you, can you, will you do to recognize,
accept and bring it into your life?

19. A traditional
Full session +
ACT
conversation
cards
You’ll use 3 anchor cards
labelled: Very Important,
Quite important and Not
so important
You’ll then place all the
cards on the table or on
the sheet into these 3
categories.
Go with you gut and
intuition.
Then go through all the V’s,
and pick out your top 5
VERY IMPORTANT values
Write those 5 values down
to remind yourself this is
what you want to stand for
as a human being.
Finally ask yourself, are any
of these values currently
present or lacking. If so
what actions could you
take to realign with them.

20. Using an
element of
ACT (RFT)
Demo/Interactive session
On a single card read
(10 minutes) + feedback
on what people observed
(5 minutes)
01
Practical sessions in small
groups, with everyone
having a go for 5 minutes
with a single card
conversation
(13 cards per group)
02
SMALL GROUP
FEEDBACK

21. Introducing and relating RFT into ACT conversations
Demo & group sessions

22. THANK YOU