This is a simple and straightforward method we can use if we’re approaching a potentially anxiety-inducing situation, encouraging us to bring to mind a reassuring message to keep us calm and grounded, and if necessary to accompany it with a calming breath or two. We can also just use these aides-memoire if and when we could use a confidence boost. (My thanks to Gillian Butler, and her excellent book ‘Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness’, which first introduced me to this technique)

1. Understanding and Overcoming Social
Anxiety and Shyness training (extract)
Marc Kirby

2. ‘A feeling of being (negatively) judged/evaluated;
a fear of being subject to scrutiny’
SOCIAL ANXIETY

3. Social anxiety: Using ‘aides memoire’ at
times of need
Note down
- on a card, to keep in a wallet or purse, or
- on a ‘Notes’ page on your phone:
A brief reminder/re-assurance to bring to mind - and to accept
and follow – to help you deal with a potentially anxiety-
inducing situation, or just to give you a calming mental boost

4. Use an aide memoire (a flash card/your
phone)for use at times of need, for instance…
 You’re going out to do something you find difficult
 As you arrive, before you go in somewhere
 As a reminder when you go for a loo-break
 After you leave somewhere/an event
 When you get home, and are about to do an undermining
‘post-mortem’ (no-one else is!)
 If you’re starting to feel self-conscious or anxious somewhere
 Any time that you need a confidence boost

5. Example aides memoire for use at
times of need:
You can’t always get it right
People don’t notice/don’t care if I
look nervous
I feel worse than I look to others
I can’t tell what others are thinking
I’m just as good as anyone else
Negative self-assessments are
opinions, not facts
People are too preoccupied with
themselves to judge or evaluate me

6. Marc Kirby
Get in touch if you’d like further information, or to
discuss how I might be able to support you with social
anxiety and shyness
www.stressmanagementplus.com,
marc.kirby@stressmanagementplus.com tel. 0118 3283246/07421 350257